Muggle 101
by LoopyLoonyLupinsLastLateLunch
Summary: Ginny and Luna go to spend the summer with everyone's favoritbe lesbian, Hermione Granger, who is supposed to teach them to blend into muggle society, but Hermione's questionable methods soon lead to insuing hilarity. Warninng: contains slash, sillyness.


Disclaimer Well, I suppose all of you legal aficionados want a disclaimer, so here it goes. I don't own any of these characters, settings, objects, or any other Potter-related jargon, paraphernalia, or generic stuff, as well as any breakfast cereal brand names copyrighted by the General Mills company. I did, however, write the story.

Ginny stepped off the knight bus into a world entirely alien to her. Houses along both sides of the street surrounded her, each the same as the next. "Who would want to live in these cookie cutter houses like this?" Ginny yearned to be back at The Burrow with her family, but it had been destroyed by the evil voldemort, whom didn't even merit capitalization or proper grammar. Suddenly a movement behind her caught her eye, it was her friend from school Hermione Granger with whom she would be spending the summer. "Hi Ginny" offered Hermione, "Let's get your stuff inside."  
"I'm on it" said Ginny, pulling out her wand, "Wingardi-"

Hermione cut her off "NO! we're trying to blend in here, and I don't think floating luggage would do us much good on that account" 

"Guess you're right" said Ginny, pocketing her wand and grabbing the heavy trunk by one handle as Hermione grasped the other and they made their way towards the house. Once inside, Hermione turned to Ginny "It's good to see you again" said Hermione

"You too" replied Ginny as they proceeded to drag the trunk up the stairs. Hermione turned again, looking at her friend "You should probably get unpacked and get changed" said Hermione, "not many Muggles walk around in robes or Hogwarts school uniforms."

"Ok Hermione" said Ginny, once again drawing her wand and preparing to unpack her trunk via magic. Hermione cut her off again. "What am I going to have to do to keep you from giving us away with magic?!" Hermione left as Ginny began unpacking messily, throwing all of her stuff onto the floor of the living room. She pulled off her black school robes which she had been wearing and began to search for her muggle clothes. She found her school books, wizarding materials, plenty of wizard robes, assorted joke products and junk food (compliments of Fred & George) but absolutely no muggle-worthy clothing. "Damn." Ginny swore loudly. Hermione, who had been walking by, opened the door at the sound to find her friend Ginny sitting on the floor, in her underwear, surrounded by the entire unpacked contents of what had been just a moment ago a very full trunk. Hermione just stared as the awkwardness mounted "What's wrong?" she asked, giggling, but not taking her eyes off Ginny.

"I didn't pack any muggle clothes!" said Ginny, both embarrassed and slightly amused by Hermione's awkwardness.

"I could loan you something" offered Hermione, still not taking her eyes off of Ginny.

"That would be awesom-" Ginny suddenly became aware of Hermione's stare and covered her exposed breasts "just get me something to wear you flaming lesbian!" shot Ginny. Hermione, blushing heavily, left and walked back to her closet. Two minuets later a hand flung an assortment of muggle garments into Ginny's room and Hermione's voice hollered from outside "Just pick something." Hermione herself did not reenter the room.

"Damn" though Ginny "I thought that was a compliment I gave her" as she slipped on one of Hermione's old skirts and t-shirts and walked towards the door. She looked down at the shirt she was wearing. On it was a picture of four men crossing a street with the name 'The Beatles' emblazoned under it. "Hey Hermione" Ginny shouted down the stairs "Who are 'The Beatles'?"

"Ohmigosh Ginny" said Hermione "You're never going to fit in in the muggle world, which is why I got this for you." Hermione approached Ginny with a black collar on which was fastened a box roughly the size of a deck of playing cards. "Muggles use these to train their dogs" explained Hermione as she knelt down in front of Ginny. Ginny shivered as Hermione's soft hands reached through the folds of her skirt and up her bare legs. Hermione fastened the collar snugly around Ginny's upper thigh.

Ginny felt vaguely disappointed as Hermione removed her hands from under her skirt. "How's this supposed to help me learn to be a muggle?" Ginny asked, reaching under her skirt and examining the collar device.

"It's simple" said Hermione, taking out a small remote and clipping it onto her key chain. "Every time you try to use magic or do something un-muggle like - this happens" said Hermione, thumbing a button on the remote

"What happ-" Ginny stopped midsentence, eyes open wide as a painful shock of electricity pulsed through the collar around leg into her body. "OOW! Hermione!" 

"I think you're going to make a great muggle" said Hermione with a giggle.

Ginny returned with Hermione to the living room to repack the now scattered contents of her trunk. This time Ginny managed to avoid going for her wand, but she still found herself frustrated at having to clean up the 'muggle way.' "How do you all do this constantly?" asked Ginny.

"Do you really always rely on magic to do your work?" responded Hermione, "even once I found out I was a witch I still tried to use magic only when necessary so that I wouldn't become dependant on it. I tried to reserve magic only for those things which normal means couldn't accomplish."

Ginny stood up, having finally shoved all her belongs back into the trunk, and was surprised to see not just Hermione, but Luna, who had arrived while Ginny was focused on what she had mentally dubbed 'muggle labor.' "Hi Ginny" said Luna in her typical absent fashion. "This is gonna be so much fun having us three back together - it'll be like Hogwarts again!"

"If you two can keep your magic under control" said Hermione, observing Luna wand in it's typical spot resting on her ear, half concealed in her dirty blonde hair. Hermione was starting to get frustrated. Luna had twice tried to use magic since her arrival 5 minutes ago. If they were going to remain unbothered by the muggle population, she had to get the two of them acclimated to muggle life. She praised her forethought as she went to retrieve a second collar for Luna. Ginny spotted the collar and giggled as she imagined Luna's reaction. Hermione walked over to Luna and addressed her as she had Ginny. "This will help remind you not to use magic" explained Hermione, walking over to Luna, who was watching curiously. Hermione unbuttoned and lowered Luna's shorts, then fastened the collar to her left leg, brushing her hands against Luna panties as she attached it. Hermione then pulled up and rebuttoned Luna's shorts as Luna looked at Hermione.

"What's it do?" asked Luna bluntly, as Ginny motioned the 'be quiet' sign frantically. Hermione grabbed the remote on her key chain and looked at Luna.

"Whenever you try to do magic or act unmugglelike, this will happen." said Hermione as she thumbed the remote. Ginny and Luna both yelped as the collars shocked both of them. Ginny looked at Hermione as if to say 'what the hell?' Hermione laughed as she explained it to them. "I figured it would work better if it shocked you both." said Hermione. "that way you can help each other make sure you don't give us all away by using magic."

"Ok, if that's the case, can someone help me get my stuff upstairs" asked Luna, with Ginny echoing the same request. Hermione helped them as they moved up the stairs, again lamenting the lack of magic. Reaching Hermione's room with their two trunks, Ginny turned to Hermione to ask where she and Luna were to sleep. "I've been meaning to talk to you two about this" said Hermione as she slid back the double doors of her closet from which she dragged out two dog cages. "Until I can be sure that you won't accidentally - or intentional - use magic at night, you're both going to have to sleep in these cages at night."

"That's insane!" shouted Ginny, but Hermione silenced her by raising the remote and hovering her thumb over the button. "Ok, but what about you Hermione, this isn't exactly fair..."

"I can control my use of magic, thank you very much" said Hermione "so I get to sleep in my bed at night. Get yourselves under control and I might even let you join me" she said with a wink. "Now - I'm pretty sure it's your bedtime girls. Collars only in the cage, by the way, just fold up your clothes and put them on top for tomorrow... and your wands please..." Hermione retrieved two padlocks from her desk as Ginny and Luna reluctantly undressed and crawled into their cages. Hermione closed the door on each and locked it with the padlocks as she looked over her friends' naked bodies in the cages. Satisfied with her work (and more than a little turned on) Hermione grabbed her pajamas from the dresser and went to take her evening shower before bed.

She returned to the bedroom half an hour later, clad in just a towel, which she tossed aside and snuggled into her bed, making another glance at the two cages in the corner. Ginny and Luna were both already asleep. She was momentarily tempted to wake them with a shock then and there, but decided to save that for the morning. She fell asleep thinking of what was in store in the days to come...

Hermione was awakened the next morning my a rattling metal sound. She looked over to see Ginny smacking her hand against the metal cage. "Get up 'Mione, I have to use the stupid bathroom!" pleaded Ginny as Hermione grudging out of bed and unlocked Ginny's and Luna's cages. The two of them dressed quickly, and Ginny headed off to the bathroom as Hermione and Luna went downstairs to prepare breakfast.

"So" said Luna, "how'd you sleep?" she asked, somewhat sarcastically.

"Just great!" said Hermione, adding just a little extra enthusiasm for the benefit of Luna's ill mood. "So... do you have any thoughts on breakfast?" Hermione asked. Luna remained indifferent so Hermione grabbed a couple boxes of breakfast cereal and set them out with bowls, spoons, and milk. As they started into their Lucky Charms and Fruit Loops, Ginny stated that she still lacked muggle clothing. Before their meal was finished it had been established that the three of them would take a trip to the mall for the purpose of obtaining suitable muggle attire for Ginny.

"How about we make this trip more interesting" said Hermione, to the interested looks of her guests. "I have a game used to play with my older sister on trips like this before she moved out... any takers?"

Ginny and Luna replied simultaneously with a simple, apprehensive "what?" Hermione blushed as she began to explain. "Well, each of us fills up a water balloon before we go, and puts it in our panties between our legs. Whoever is clumsy or careless enough to break their's first gets wet and loses, and the winner gets to take their balloon out of their panties and throw it at the loser to get them again."

Luna just sat there comprehending, but Ginny ventured forward another idea: "Alright, but if yours breaks first 'Mione, then you have sleep in a cage, and we get your bed." Hermione just laughed as she thought back to the times she had repeatedly outlasted and humiliated her older sister. "You're on." said Hermione, "but if you two both lose, then you have to accept your cages at night and the shock collars on your legs for the rest of the summer, regardless of whether you learn to control your magic."

Luna, who had been silent throughout this exchange, suddenly giggled. "Agreed" she said, "but let me fill up the balloons, then you can each pick one." Hermione tossed a package of balloons to Luna and headed upstairs to get changed for the day ahead. Hermione returned downstairs in a tank-top and skirt (she had long ago learned tight jeans tended to work poorly for this game) and stopped and stared at the kitchen counter. Luna had filled three party balloons to at least twice the diameter of the biggest water balloon Hermione had used before. Luna giggled, sensing Hermione's shock "And that's not even the best part" said Luna, hoisting one of the volleyball sized balloons into the air with both hands "they aren't water balloons... one is filled with maple syrup, one with honey, and one with ketchup! I thought I'd make it fun, since we've got so much riding on it."

Hermione was reluctant for a second, but quickly grabbed the ketchup balloon, wishing to avoid either of the other two far stickier substances. Ginny took the honey one and Luna was left with the maple syrup balloon. As each of them placed the balloon between their legs in their underwear, it became apparent to Hermione that walking would be far more awkward than with the smaller balloons she had used before. Excessively careful as she stood up, Hermione began to walk around the room discovering a comfortable pace which minimized the amount of waddling she would have to do as she tried to both retain a normal walk and not break the balloon containing a mass of ketchup lodged securely between her slightly spread legs. Ginny and Luna followed suit, and before long they had all made it out to Hermione's car.

Hermione was sharking as she keyed the ignition and drove off, imagining the looks they would get at the mall just walking as they did and from the bulges of the balloons. Quickly they discovered that they all walked funny, but they were determined not to lose. Luna was the cause of additional curious glances as her tight shorts showed the bulge of her maple syrup balloon far more than Ginny or Hermione's skirts. Ginny had to be especially careful as she tried on various muggle clothes, never removing the honey balloon from her underwear. Soon, they were ready to depart, and each girl was at once both delighted to have lasted this long as well as disappointed that the other two were still in the game.

Having finished shopping, the three girls stopped by the mall food court for lunch before leaving. Luna and Ginny were impressed by the wide array of deep fried muggle offerings, and wound up buying food from a half a dozen different places between them. Finally, having acquired a rather large amount of assorted muggle food, they joined Hermione, who had simply opted for Chinese. As the two went to sit down, Hermione, reaching under the table with her foot, tapped Luna's chair backwards, and the blonde, already moving towards the spot where her chair had previously been, tumbled to the ground, accompanied by a squeal and a resounding 'thwack' upon impact. Hermione quickly rose to her feet to see if the maneuver had obtained the desired effect. Sure enough, Luna sat on the floor, and, Hermione was pleased to see, was already sitting in a small puddle of sticky maple syrup. Luna reached her hand down to her crotch in disbelief, pressing it against her now syrup-saturated shorts. Hermione offered a hand to her, helping her get back into her seat. Luna's underwear and shorts were hick with maple syrup, which now covered most of her legs and fell slowly towards her sandaled feet. Hermione surprised a giggle as she took in Luna's distress. "Well, that's rotten luck there, Lu" said Ginny, who had simply watched the whole scene unfold before her. "Guess it's up to me. You still ought to finish your lunch." said Ginny, laying a comforting hand on Luna's slightly trembling shoulder. Luna ate the rest of her meal as enthusiastically as anyone could in her position, and the three soon left the food court to return to Hermione's car in the parking lot.

"How are you going to take Luna home?" asked Ginny, motioning towards the blonde, who was covered in glistening maple syrup from her waist down. But Hermione, as always, had planned things though, as she laid a plastic tarp over the back seat and motioned for Luna to sit on it. "Can't have you getting my car all sticky, can I?" asked Hermione. Luna just sniffed a little through her nose, and absently licked a bit of syrup off her hand in her usual mentally-out-to-lunch manner.

As they began the drive home, Ginny looked to Hermione. "You did that to her chair on purpose, didn't you?" she asked. Hermione just grinned mischievously and looked back at Ginny. Ginny suddenly knew that she would have to be quite careful over the next few hours not to allow Hermione a similar opportunity. They arrived back at Hermione's house and got out of the car. "Well, I certainly can't take you into the house like that." said Hermione, looking at Luna. "Could you take Luna around back, Ginny. and we'll get her cleaned up."

Hermione retrieved a garden hose and sprayer nozzle from the garage and followed the two around to the back yard. As she attached the nozzle to the hose and hooked the hose up to the wall, Luna suddenly shook her head. "No way." she said. "That's going to be freezing cold, and it may be June, but it's only like 70 degrees out here, and it's windy!" Hermione simply raised the remote on her key chain and Luna stopped talking even before Ginny shushed her. Hermione reached into her purse and felt around for a minute. Hermione has always been somewhat of a fetishist, and had always hoped to find a use for... ah, there it is! "Ginny, if you would please help Luna to that tree over there and... secure her there." said Hermione, grinning again as she tossed the pair of shiny steel handcuffs to Ginny. Still keenly aware of the remote, Luna allowed Ginny to stand her with her back to the tree, and her arms reaching around the medium sized trunk. She shivered a little as Ginny clicked the cold steel around her wrists, and found she had very little wiggle room to move. Hermione didn't hesitate with the hose, and as soon as Ginny was clear she began to spray Luna. Luna shivered as the icy jet of water crashed against her pale skin, dissolving the syrup which covered half her body. Hermione however didn't restrain herself to Luna's syrup covered lower body, but sprayed her liberally on her chest and torso, delighting in how the water splashed off her breasts onto her face. Hermione continued this for a bit longer, then stopped and turned towards Ginny. "Would you please help miss Lovegood turn around, then, perhaps, you'd like a turn?" she offered. Ginny eagerly unlocked Luna with Hermione's key and she turned around so that Luna embraced the tree and once again Ginny locked her wrists in the handcuffs. Hermione passed the hose to Ginny who began enthusiastically spraying Luna's backside. Hermione thought to herself, and supposed that it would be only fair to let the two of them subject her to this if Hermione should find herself in Luna's position. Hermione was somewhat uneasy about the idea, had resolved to be double careful not to break her ketchup filled balloon even as she began to plot how she might cause Ginny to break her balloon.

Ginny released Luna, and the three girls ascended the steps to the back door. Hermione stopped them on the threshold and had Luna remove her clean but now soaking wet clothes. "Take those and put them on the rack in the laundry room, then join us downstairs." said Hermione, as she descended the basement steps with Ginny. Hermione's basement was a mess. The hot water heater and furnace hummed away in one corner, and mountains of cardboard boxes piled with muggle artifacts stretched from floor to ceiling in two corners. "It's my parents' stuff" explained Hermione. "They'll need it when I go to get them from Australia..."

"When will that be?" asked Ginny, fully aware for the first time that this was, for all intents and purposes, Hermione's house alone. "Oh" replied Hermione, "whenever I get bored with you two..." she said with a giggle, indicating that that might take a very long time. Luna rejoined them as she came down the stairs. Even amidst the gloomy basement atmosphere, Hermione was taken back by her beauty as her waist length blonde hair flowed softly down her beautifully pale, nude body. Luna seemed to enjoy the attention as she stood with her friends completely bare except for the collar on her upper leg and the large hoop earrings which wonderfully complimented her hair. Hermione led them over to where, behind one of the stacks of boxes they found the two cages concealed. "I decided to bring them down here so that the first loser wouldn't disturb the rest of the game." said Hermione, smirking at Luna's horror at being stuck down here. "Luna has already earned her spot here" said Hermione, grinning as Luna clambered into one of the metal cages. "Ginny will be down to join you shortly, then after a couple days we can move them back up to my room" said Hermione happily as she fitted the padlock on and headed back up the stairs. "Come along Ginny!" she shouted after her friend.

"Don't worry Luna" said Ginny, torn between felling sorry for and seriously enjoying her friend's predicament, "there's no way I'm going to break mine before Hermione. We'll get to hose down Hermione together and she'll be the one sleeping in a cage." said Ginny hopefully as Hermione shouted from above again. "Come on Ginny!" shouted Hermione, this time accompanied by a press of her remote. Luna yelped from inside her cage and Ginny gasped and balanced herself on the stack of boxes, more concerned with not breaking her honey balloon the sharp pain of Hermione's shock collar around her leg. "Geez - I'm coming 'Mione!" she said. "You can't expect me to move too quickly with this bloody balloon between my legs!"

Hermione and Ginny sat down in front of the television. Hermione had intended to introduce Ginny to muggle culture safely though television, but the contradiction in terms of "reality television" or the mindless stupidity of muggle cartoons didn't really seem like the proper starting place. They finally settled on some movie about pirates or zombies or zombie pirates or whatever it was that Hollywood dictated that they were. Hermione had never really found much appeal in television in her pre-witch years, and found that she still had very little interest in it. Ginny, however, was enthralled, and was soon hanging onto every sentence or movement as though it were the dramatic masterpiece of the century. By the time the credits rolled, Ginny was hooked.

Hermione gave up trying to persuade her away from her new-found obsession and instead headed about the daily housekeeping that came with keeping a house on her own. She scrubbed the grime off of three days worth of neglected dishes and sorted the garbage and recycling into their respective bins. As wheeled the trash bin down to the curb she heard the whistle of one of the neighbor boys. She had never been able to stand any of them, and had been more than a little relieved when she had been called away to Hogwarts. He had noticed her awkward gait forced by trying to avoid breaking the ketchup balloon, although he could never have guessed the cause. "Need a hand, Hermy?" he offered out of seemingly good manner. Then the typical. "Want me to carry you up, you walk like you're hurt. I suppose I could kiss it and make it better..." Hermione had long ago grown tired of his heavy handed attempts at flirting, and ignoring him she quickly returned to her house and bolted the door.

Hermione had decided it might be time for more direct measures. Ginny continued to stare obliviously at the television as Hermione retrieved a small pin from her sewing kit upstairs and hid it in the fabric of her skirt. She returned to where Ginny was watching television, now thoroughly involved in some soap opera drama of some kind. Hermione walked slowly towards Ginny, and carefully sat down in her lap. This was more difficult than normal, as you can imagine, since both girls were conscious to avoid putting extra pressure on their balloons, but Hermione soon was snuggly sitting in Ginny lap. Hermione began to gently caress Ginny's breasts with her hands, and soon had her fingers under Ginny's shirt. In one slow motion Hermione lifted the shirt over Ginny head and began to massage her bare breasts. Ginny still stared absently at the television, but moaned softly and indicated for Hermione to continue. Hermione began to kiss and suckle Ginny's exposed nipples, slowly lowering one hand to the pin concealed within the folds of her skirt. Ginny moaned as Hermione mouth and tongue traced a path from her breasts up her neck to her face. Simultaneously, Hermione had retrieved the pin and reached towards Ginny's crotch beneath her. Hermione was intent on winning then and there, even if it would mean a huge mess in her living room. She quickly jabbed Ginny's balloon two then three times with the pin through her underwear, but it didn't break. She felt over the surface of Ginny's panties where she had stabbed. Sure enough, although it didn't explode, it was leaking honey through three small holes. It was already beginning to soak Ginny's panties, and it would only be a matter of time until she noticed, and panicked, and most likely broke it completely. Hermione discarded the pin by tossing it behind the couch. Between Hermione's kisses and the TV soap opera, Ginny had not noticed anything.

Ginny finished her show and still shirtless, walked to the kitchen for a drink. Hermione was thankful that Ginny made it to the tile floor of the kitchen, because just than she heard the fateful 'SNAP' and Ginny's scream coming from the kitchen. Sure enough, Ginny's honey filled balloon had exploded, and it's contents covered her from her waist down. Hermione smiled in her victory and helped Ginny to the door to the back porch. "Shouldn't you get Luna?" asked Ginny miserably. "Not yet." replied Hermione. "It's too late to wake her. I figured I'd just save that 'till morning." said Hermione, taking out the handcuffs again. Soon, Ginny was seated against one of the trees in Hermione's yard, with her hands cuffed behind her around the tree.

"So you're just going to leave me out here all night?!?" asked Ginny, whose normal fear of the dark had just been compounded by being handcuffed, outside, half naked, and covered in honey. "Not quite yet." said Hermione, "I seem to have forgotten one part of the game." Hermione was quite relieved as she removed the ketchup filled balloon from her underwear. Ginny's eyes grew wide as she realized what was to come. Hermione lofted the balloon over Ginny's head and dropped it. The redhead screamed as it broke over her, covering her head and torso in a thick layer of ketchup. "Now I'm leaving" said Hermione with a laugh. Hermione walked back inside and up to her room. Stripping off her clothes from the day and carelessly tossing them into a corner, climbed into bed. She smiled as she fell asleep, dreaming of hundreds of possible ideas for Ginny and Luna's stay with her..


End file.
